theres a lot I want to write about today..I don't know if I'm just too tired from work to really get it all out right now. I was thinking a lot last night about all my past relationships and the things about them, how my experiances have formed and warped my views on love.

I would say that most of my experiances have in most ways been good ones. More or less because I have learned something valuable from each and everyone of them.

I specifically thought about passion a lot. To me passion was always about attraction..that total lust. After I thought about it more I realized there is so much more to it. I miss passion. Especially in making love. Good sex is always good sex there is no doubt about that but it has been a very,very long time that I have really had someone feel passionate about me or felt passionate about them. I want a guy to look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm beautiful, to touch my face and lace his palms with mine. I want him to be as close as I can get him, I don't just want to feel him inside me..I want to feel him.

It all got me thinking about that because of my weight..Everyones been telling me that I've lost so much weight and how good I look..I was in the bathroom in the back changing for work and I actually heard the cooks talking about how hot I was and how he would like to go all night with a sexy girl like me. I was incredibly flattered..but I would have much rather had a sincere comment..like even just telling me that I looked really good that day or that I have amazing eyes. I don't want to be just another pretty girl..I want to know that someone thinks I am special.. and not like short bus special. Whens the last time someone told someone that they loved the way they think..and really meant it. I like those little off hand comments..like just sitting there with someone and in the middle of a conversation they just toss it out. Its the spontaneous thought..passion,that makes it so wonderful.

anyway..enough babbling..I'm going to have a shower and get some sleep.