So I was feeling really lousy last night because a for the past few days a guy friend of mine was insinuating he had some intrest in me, I found out that it wasn't really intrest but boredom. This has happened with him before and he did apoligize last time to his credit. The fact that the same thing just happend though has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust the sincerity of a compliment from him. I wonder if he really meant the things he said or if it was just fueling a nice fantasy. I don't want to loose him as a friend but I won't be used either.

But as I said I was feeling really hurt and lousy by the whole thing and so today I decided to go out and go shopping and try and remind myself that there are more important things than trying to find love..if it even exsists for someone like me.

I didn't realize how open my eyes would be...I was at home later in today and had just put my son down and wasn't feeling good. Next thing I know I'm sweating and everything just goes black. *I didn't hurt myself I'm well padded* my parents took me to the doc's and it turns out I should be still taking my iron pills. I'm severly anemic and also severly lazy..lol. The iron shortage caused me to get woozy. I also have very low blood pressure.

I'm just in shock about how lucky I am that I wasn't holding my son when it happend. I realize that right now in my life..he is the only thing I have to live for. He is the only male in my life that loves me right now and that I have to love right now. That will never change. I need to be there for him and do everything I can for him.