time for another open letter...

Dear Lindsay Lohan,


I've been hearing that you've been dealing with some "negative" press lately and I would like to offer some pearls of widom that I have aquired over the years..I know your probably no stranger to pearls of the necklace variety *snicker ahem* so I thought some advice might be helpful.

My mother would always say to me "Always wear a pair of clean underwear in case you get into an accident" Good advice that still rings true. In your case I guess I could shorten it to just "Wear some underwear". We've all seen your pink parts by now and its getting a little old * much like the looks of your pink parts*

"A classy lady always sits with her legs crossed." I could see how the whole one on top of the other thing may be a little much for you to start with, so why don't we just aim for keep them together for a while m'kay?

(By the way Linds, I didn't know you were Brazillian...hmmm...)

"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Nobody is buying your "accidental" nipple slip or bad angle upskirt. Why not just leak the sex tape we know you have with that 70's show kid and make some profit? We know you hate Paris but you could learn something from her...bitch should have her own section at Blockbuster.

"Take care of your skin now, it will thank you later"
Your also looking a little rough these days, I know you would rather frolic on the beach with your lastest lover but in 20 years that melanoma isn't going to be so sexy. I'm pretty sure the beach is going to be around for a while so why don't you actually stay indoors and oh, I don't know maybe READ a script. Or at least have someone read the big words for you.


"Say NO to Drugs" Last but not least Li-Lo, Put down the silver spoon already! You already have everything you could possibly want, why let the purple elephant in the big floppy hat tell you any different? I know its hard when your mom is your dealer but maybe you could go into rehab together? Can somebody say mommy-daughter bonding???


Hopefully this will help you back on the path to super stardom.

xoxox.


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I feel better now that I've gotten that off my cheast.

Oh yeah, how lame is this...Most of you regular readers should be familiar with my active dream life by now. It has replaced what was once an active real life. Anywho I usually have the celeb sex dreams to keep me thinking happy thoughts all day right? Wrong! Last night I dreamed about Fiddy as usually and you know what we were doing? TALKING AND CUDDLING! with clothes on!!! Sick isn't it?!

Seriously what is my life comming to that my own brain would rather be PG? I momentarily contemplated that maybe this is part of my maturity, that I am realizing that there is more than just sex and that maybe deep inside I just want a MAN *not a boy that is an important distinction* that I can really talk to and be affectionate with and not have to worry about sexual pressure.....

NAH!!! I'll bet I just woke up too soon and that was all just foreplay or something. Maybe he just needed a break *its a little crazy how I pretend like its real lol* I'm sure things will change.

Speaking of cuddling I hear my baby crying..so I must away.