Have you ever said something and the minute it left your mouth you wished you could take it back?

Welcome to my shitty little world.

I got in a fight with the boy and out of my mouth came a horrendous insult that I never should have uttered and I knew it. Therefore causeing him to kick me out of his apartment and pretty much tearing a giant hole into our relationship.

I tearfully called him hours later not really knowing how many different ways to apologize for the same thing. I did the best I could in between sobs. SO today we met for coffee and he laid it out for me. He still loved me, but he was deeply hurt and needed time to think. I felt like I was being stabbed. Of course I didn't think he would forgive me just like that. But the way he was talking, it was like things were already over and he was just trying to decide if he felt like salvaging things or not.

I feel like my entire heart has been ripped out and just crushed. I'm pretty much sitting here praying I didn't loose the love of my life over a fucking mistake. I can't even put into words how important to me he is. I can't imagine spending, or wanting to spend my life with anyone else. I wanted to marry him and be the mother of his children. To think for one second that I might have just screwed that up... its worse than any punishment you could dream up. By far the worst of it is the waiting, the counting minutes until I feel like things are going to be okay.

Time seems that much longer when your waiting on it.