Wishing to be the friction in your jeans.....(long post,beware)

Songs of the day : Fidelity-Regina Spektor, Tear drop- Massive attack *I would love to make out to this song*, Find out-Classified.

Went out to dinner tonight with a couple girl friends of mine from high school, had a good time. I had wine and we gossiped *of course* and I did the chick thing for a night. It was a nice reminder that I'm still a woman. I know that sounds silly but when all your used to doing is sitting around in sweat pants and a tank top looking after a baby you tend to loose your sensuality

We talked about our jobs, people we still talk to from high school, relationships..and yes SEX! lol. It was funny because I was the oldest at the table but out of the 3 of us the last to loose my V-card and yet I've had the most partners *I swear I'm not slutty my number isn't even in the double digits* and I'm also the most adventurous or as my friend put it "Freaky deeky"

I found this funny because I don't think theres anything wrong with that at all. If your with someone and your supposed to trust someone and you really care about them why wouldn't you want to be passionate and uninhibited. Why would you hold back? Your already having sex. Sex to me is more than just intercourse its a complete experiance. If I really care about my mate I don't want it to just be good. I want freakin nirvana. If that means getting a little wild and crazy. So be it. As long as its cool with both of us lol..some surprises are bad :P

But as I said to the girls I've been lucky to have had mostly wonderful partners *some just sexually speaking and some were both great people and great in the sack* and there are a few I wish I hadn't and theres always the one that got away....

They also thought it was surprising that I've kissed a few girls in my day, Really? I didn't think it was that taboo anymore. Although I think half of the surprise was that the girl was a very conservative religious girl. *She came on to me!!!* I don't think its that big of a deal. I wanted to know what kissing a girl was like and she wanted to kiss me *deep down she had a girl crush on me* and we wanted to get the attention of our boyfriends. They thought it was awesome, me not so much. I don't like kissing girls, too soft. My bf at the time had a disposable camera and still has the pictures, although I'm pretty sure his girlfriend wouldn't like it if those went up on the wall haha.

Hmmm switching gears here, I had a dream last night that I was at a karoke bar with one of my ex bf's whom I've been dreaming about a lot lately and he was singing. I don't know if I've ever heard him "sing" sing but he was good in my dream. Now I'm curious to know if he can actually sing. I wouldn't be surprised if he could, he's amazing at just about everything else..including making me feel like a shy little school girl everytime I see him LOL. Its so ridiculous how much of a crush I have on him and he knows it. But I know nothings ever gonna happen and I'm pretty cool with it. It just makes me sad in a variety of different places :P I'm so fucking romantic, whats not to love???? (rhetorical m'kay!)


I'm happy right now and I have no idea why. Its a little alarming, although Kiki told me that if I question my sanity I'm probably not crazy (Thanks Keeks!) It's almost like an odd feeling of uncertain optimism. I don't know that everythings going to be okay, I feel somedays like the biggest failure (mother, lover, friend) but its like theres this little voice inside me that says, "You know better than that. You were failed but that doesn't make you a failure" So I guess as long as the voice isn't a leprachaun telling me to burn things, I must be okay..Right?.. RIGHT?

Ewww, I hate it when my C-section scar itches because then I have to scratch it. Now you might be wondering whats so odd about that and why it would matter. WEll as you may or may not remember *depending on how long you've been reading* I had the area cut open not once, but twice and cutting and recutting through muscles and nerves did a little damage and I now have some perma semi numbness around there. So everytime I scratch that general area it feels funny. Not in a haha way.

Holy Crap..I've been blogging about nothing for almost an hour. The wine has done its trick into relaxing me though so I think I'm going put on something nice *albet functional in case I have to get up, satin jammies* and go to bed.

Everyone sleep tight and don't forget to show me some comment love.

*kisses*