sad but true

my worst fears have come true..

the boy that I though was going to make all my dreams come true..turned out to be a nightmare.

It was all lies. His job,the money,his faithfulness.

Just a few days shy of Christmas I find out that the money that was supposed to create our future together went to drinking,drugs and girls.

He tried to say it wasn't true, he tried to say he was sorry. He tried to do everything but what he should have done.

I have 2 months left before the baby comes and I feel as though everything has been taken away from me but the child. Its so hard to know how to feel because it is on one hand an innocent child but also part of someone that I hate and yet still love so much.

It seems like I try so hard to have faith and everyday I am tested and I feel like everyday I fail. Is this child supposed to give me back my faith? Or just remind me eternally of my mistakes?

whoever said that pregnancy was a miraculous time of wonder and joy was a FUCKING LIAR. Either that or they had the best drugs money could buy.

I digress, maybe I am being a little dramatic about it but seriously... its kinda sucked so far.

Trimester 1- nausea and vomiting on a constant and daily basis.
Trimester 2- You've pretty much become a slave to your bladder as your baby sits and bounces on it causing you to hit the bathroom on a half hour schedual. Also get used to becomming a human pin cushion as they do tests for everything known to man. Or woman as it were.

I am just into my 3rd trimester which means nearing birth, so in addition to food aversions and cravings, bathroom breaks, back/butt/knee/leg pain I can't help but think of how wonderful the actual labor is going to be.