My apologies for the lack of postie goodness. I've been getting these incredible migranes off and on the last few days and that vertigo feeling. Light sucks,loud noises suck,being vertical for long periods of time sucks. *mind you I was always more of a horizontal girl anyway haha*
I've also been doing lots of cooking and baking, when not feeling like a sack of poop. Tonight I did a little baked chicken *tastes like fried* with some butter and herbed rice and steam veggies. I made Raspberry filled vanilla cupcakes with white chocolate frosting for dessert. Take that Morrimoto! :)
Okay I'm off too bed now. Be good fools!
Do you ever want to say things but couldn't fathom the way to go about it?
You want to try and put it into words worthy enough to convey exactly how you feel..not just feel but how it affects every single one of your senses. Trying to call up a favorite memory and make it fresh by weaving into the present only to realize that the present is completely different than how you thought it would be in the past. Sometimes living a dream is easier than fully accepting reality.
I'm never quite sure if things are as amazing or as horrible as I remember them. Mostly because I can't explain half of them. A lot of people say they wish they could go back in time and do thing differently or forget bad things. I don't agree with either of those. Although I might speed past the bad memories and slow down the beautiful ones.
Gosh, this probably makes no sense to anyone. Ok I really need to go to bed now lol.
Went for a long walk tonight with the ex (the one I'm still friends with) his daughter and my son. (they are a month apart) She is an gorgeous little girl and looks a lot like him. I think she has a crush on my kid *can't blame her lol* because she chatted at him a lot.
It was so nice to get out and have some company other than my parents! I love them but seriously I am so freaking lonely!!! Its hard when your friends that don't have kids, or don't understand what its like having kids get pissy because you can't just hang out whenever. You have to plan everything.
We went back to his house for a bit and his parents are so nice! I think thats the first time his brother has ever seen Cash, I don't think he really wanted to hold him but ya gotta play pass the baby. Lol. Its been a long time since I've seen the ex's brother...I was a little nervous but I'm used to looking/acting like a retard. :)
Cash and my ex's cat Tigger had a bit of a staring contest and then Cash decided to take a swipe for it. Tig was gone in about 2 seconds. I was more worried for the cat because he's so tame.
Wow. This must sound like such a mundane blog post! Hmmm how can I spice this up a bit???...Ohhh I know..I'm blogging in the NUDE~ errr ok not really. But that would be kinda exciting or horribly wrong. Depends on if you've seen me nude I guess :P I'm going to bed now!
kisses!
So much joy..
Watching "The Transporter" right now and I am loving it!!!
I already like action movies and this happens to star Jason Statham to whom I would become a professional stalker for. Its got everything, ass kicking, Jason shirtless and greased up..oh yeah and some plot about kidnapping some chick..whatever. haha.
If I can't be the one kicking butt I would like to covet the one who is. :)
Well I'm sick :( booo!!! I got a good laugh out of the fact that when I went to go to the doctor I usually see, he was out sick. Nice.
I have an infection of some kind and the doctor I saw said that I was feeling fucked up because of "vertigo". Sounds cool but feels horrible. It basically affects your inner ear and your balance and everytime I stand up and walk it feels like I'm in an elevator. Shitty no? So I got some meds *imagine,me being medicated* hehehe
I'm about to head to bed and I better have me some better dreams. They have been really stupid lately. I'm still kinda p'o *pissed off* about the one I had last night.
I was going to this summer camp with one of my ex's (well I'm not really sure if he classifies as an ex, but in a way he kinda does. Fuck whatever it was complicated) anyway in my dream we were together and went to this camp and I'm thinking its going to be all gravy so I go to put out bags in our cabin and I come out and there he is making out with the lead singer of the Pussy Cat Dolls.
BUH!!! Granted she is pretty hot but I was seriously upset. I started crying and then true to my real life self, I just got angry. So I went over, pried them apart and punched her in the chest. HARD! Like right in between her fake flotation devices. Bitch, mess with my man...er..in the dream. See, getting all rilled up again.
I hate having dreams about people in my real life because when I wake up I have to keep telling myself its not really them and they haven't done anything. Although depending on the dream itself I like to pretend sometimes that we have done things..then I giggle about it all day long to myself because they don't know what we just did.
Yes I am a sick twisted individual..yet highly entertaining and highly medicated. I'm going bed :) night all. Happy weekend.
A happy belated to CHERRY!!!
Have a cock(tail) or 3 for me. ;)
I'm too sexy for this blog....
"Yes, its hard being handsome, but I think I make it look easy"- Cash,7 months.
making my move...
Possibly quite literally...
My sister wants me to move up and stay with her so I can work full time while she offers to take care of the little one. Shes rich and her husband works..so she doesn't have much to do. Its an interesting proposition..I would still have access to a computer so don't panic my pretties. Still its a big choice..we shall see.
Oh thats just awesome...
Arrgh matey's!
Today is international talk like a pirate day!
Seriously. Wiki'd it.
Now all I need is an eye patch,wooden leg *how sexy* and a big ass sword. Also looking for a first mate and some booty! (no not that kind of booty, but hey whatever lol)
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Things I miss:
Bon jovi circa 83: Dude, if the old BJ saw the new BJ they would kick their metro sissy asses all the way back to Jersey.
Etch a Sketch: I had so much fun with these growing up, mostly because I kept wrecking my slinkys. My kid is so getting one when he's old enough.
The black Micheal Jackson: Before he became a kiddy diddler and when "Thriller" was the coolest thing ever. Thank god they still show it on Halloween.
My innocence: HA just kidding. I know exactly where that went and how many times ago...
M.B- Quit being pissy and just be my friend. I never cared about anything else. Besides we'll always have er..Paris? whatever. :P I miss talking to you.
Penny candies- they were tiny but you could buy a ton because they were only a penny! you can't get anything for a penny anymore. Now its a penny and one penny tax. Stupid govt.
Making delicious cakes-Everyone else eats them and then they will all be fatter than me and I will look svelte by comparison *MWHAHAHAH!* so evil.
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Cash is doing better today and he slept better last night, he only woke up 3 times and then slept for most of the day. So did mommy, well in between baking, laundry and the like. I'm sleeping on the couch until we get the seperate rooms set up. That way he can't hear me and it doesn't bother him. Its not the most comfortable couch in the world but it will do. Its worth it if he sleeps better anyway.
Dear pope Benedict leader of the Catholicks. *hey that rhymes tee hee!*
You fucked up bro. Big time. Way to promote peace,love,tollerance and spread "Gods" word. Your name sounds like a breakfast food. Perhaps a switch to Pope Omelette would help.
This is another good example of why I chose to say no to being catholic. Well that and you only got one communion wafer..YOU HAVE A WHOLE BOWL!! Common!!
just need to vent.
So its 5 am Cash just went back to sleep..for about the 6th or 7th time. He's teething so bad but there isn't much I can do.
The constant crying has gotten to me. I know its not his fault but I'm starting to just have these horrible thoughts. I just want him to stop crying, its just so hard.
ITs pretty bad when your sitting there crying along with your kid.
Its sucks because right now I'm pretty much home alone with him until 3 when my mom gets off work. I'm pretty sure I'm loosing my marbels.
time for another open letter...
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
I've been hearing that you've been dealing with some "negative" press lately and I would like to offer some pearls of widom that I have aquired over the years..I know your probably no stranger to pearls of the necklace variety *snicker ahem* so I thought some advice might be helpful.
My mother would always say to me "Always wear a pair of clean underwear in case you get into an accident" Good advice that still rings true. In your case I guess I could shorten it to just "Wear some underwear". We've all seen your pink parts by now and its getting a little old * much like the looks of your pink parts*
"A classy lady always sits with her legs crossed." I could see how the whole one on top of the other thing may be a little much for you to start with, so why don't we just aim for keep them together for a while m'kay?
(By the way Linds, I didn't know you were Brazillian...hmmm...)
"Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Nobody is buying your "accidental" nipple slip or bad angle upskirt. Why not just leak the sex tape we know you have with that 70's show kid and make some profit? We know you hate Paris but you could learn something from her...bitch should have her own section at Blockbuster.
"Take care of your skin now, it will thank you later"
Your also looking a little rough these days, I know you would rather frolic on the beach with your lastest lover but in 20 years that melanoma isn't going to be so sexy. I'm pretty sure the beach is going to be around for a while so why don't you actually stay indoors and oh, I don't know maybe READ a script. Or at least have someone read the big words for you.
"Say NO to Drugs" Last but not least Li-Lo, Put down the silver spoon already! You already have everything you could possibly want, why let the purple elephant in the big floppy hat tell you any different? I know its hard when your mom is your dealer but maybe you could go into rehab together? Can somebody say mommy-daughter bonding???
Hopefully this will help you back on the path to super stardom.
xoxox.
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I feel better now that I've gotten that off my cheast.
Oh yeah, how lame is this...Most of you regular readers should be familiar with my active dream life by now. It has replaced what was once an active real life. Anywho I usually have the celeb sex dreams to keep me thinking happy thoughts all day right? Wrong! Last night I dreamed about Fiddy as usually and you know what we were doing? TALKING AND CUDDLING! with clothes on!!! Sick isn't it?!
Seriously what is my life comming to that my own brain would rather be PG? I momentarily contemplated that maybe this is part of my maturity, that I am realizing that there is more than just sex and that maybe deep inside I just want a MAN *not a boy that is an important distinction* that I can really talk to and be affectionate with and not have to worry about sexual pressure.....
NAH!!! I'll bet I just woke up too soon and that was all just foreplay or something. Maybe he just needed a break *its a little crazy how I pretend like its real lol* I'm sure things will change.
Speaking of cuddling I hear my baby crying..so I must away.
Wellity, wellity! Since I've stopped caring about my weight I'm happy to say I've dropped ten pounds. I've been going for walks everyday so I'm not ninja fit yet but its a start. I've also cut way bak on super processed crap. Except for this morning when I had McDonalds for breakfast * but I didn't buy it therefore the calories don't count lol*
My ex *the one who I'm still friends with* picked me up and we got Mickeys for breakfast, which was nice because he is a busy guy and I enjoy hanging with him and I was happy that he missed my company. We also started watching Saw 2 but I had to go and now I have to rent the movie cuz I want to see what happens! Although I suppose its not that important considdering the 3rd one is comming out and I've already read major spoilers..so I have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen.
Things I'm diggin lately:
Peanut Butter Sandwhiches-yummy
Bath Bombs- they fizz in the tub..watch out!
New horror movies comming out!!
ugh..sorry guys..I swear I had a bunch of good stuff to write about..but I think I'm getting another head ache and its too hard to think. Gonna go take a nap.
back to good.
First off, I would like to just say: 9/11 will never be forgiven..or forgotten.
Feeling much better after a little R&R.
So I watched the Simpsons season premier and the Family guy premier last night. I only half assed watched American Dad because it just doesn't really appeal to me but I needed something to keep me awake until Family guy.
Here is my review for all 3 shows.
Simpsons: Not a bad start *a guest cameo by Metallica* (I'm a fan) but as usual they complicated the plot and attemped to rely on the same stale sterotypes. Typically do gooder Lisa, Mischevious Bart ect. I loved this show but its age is starting to show and is in need of some comedy botox..STAT!
American Dad: Makes fun of Right wing Americans..and how stupid some of them are. ex: "I sent him to "Camp Refoogie" *says extreme republican dad* "Thats not Refoogie, its pronounced REFUGEE" *says slightly smarter hot wife*
hah hah ha...what else is on.
Family Guy: This season premier was slightly disapointing. I don't think I saw Much of Chris or Meg as the focus was largely on Peter, Stewie and to a lesser extent Lois. They pushed the envelope with Peter getting a prostate exam and it turns into somewhat of a mockery of rape. I wasn't that amused. Far better was the Stewie& Lois story line. My fav line, *Lois dreams she tries to kill Stewie and wakes up horrified* "OHMYGOD I'm going to turn into one of those mothers that tries to drown her children and end up brain dead...I'm Barbara Bush!!!!" *PA-ZING!!!*
I've already started doing some Xmas shopping for Cash, I'm actually kinda jealous. Some of the toys he's getting I think he may have to fight me for. I also found a special edition set of play-doh with 50!!! colors. Hells yeah. Also he is getting tons of clothes..its crazy cuz he's just about 7 months and already fitting in 12 month sleepers. He's not fat, just tall! 27*and a half* inches already. I'm a little scared of him too, kid can do push ups..I shit you not.
I want a cigarette. I haven't smoked for quite a long while I'm just really craving one today. I think its part of the healing process for me ...LOL, I know that sounds weird but back before I met my ex *and a while after when things were still good* I smoked. It was part of my personality. I was the sarcastic, cute waitress that called people hun and smoked. I quit when I decided to have my kid and then I started going through all the shit with my ex...and I am now the crabby bitch you all know and love today heheh. But everday I work on leaving all that shit with my exfiance in the past..where it belongs and bringing my old self back. Therefore my old self wants a smoke.
Fuck..sorry I got all self exploring on you guys. Seriously, do you people actually read all that or just skip to the funnyish parts? Its ok if you do. :) And by self exploring I meant introspective..not flicking or anything like that. I don't write about that. But if you do read all that...rock on.
Well I think I have blathered on sufficently for one evening. Remember kids, have fun,play safe,wear a helment.
So I was feeling really lousy last night because a for the past few days a guy friend of mine was insinuating he had some intrest in me, I found out that it wasn't really intrest but boredom. This has happened with him before and he did apoligize last time to his credit. The fact that the same thing just happend though has left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust the sincerity of a compliment from him. I wonder if he really meant the things he said or if it was just fueling a nice fantasy. I don't want to loose him as a friend but I won't be used either.
But as I said I was feeling really hurt and lousy by the whole thing and so today I decided to go out and go shopping and try and remind myself that there are more important things than trying to find love..if it even exsists for someone like me.
I didn't realize how open my eyes would be...I was at home later in today and had just put my son down and wasn't feeling good. Next thing I know I'm sweating and everything just goes black. *I didn't hurt myself I'm well padded* my parents took me to the doc's and it turns out I should be still taking my iron pills. I'm severly anemic and also severly lazy..lol. The iron shortage caused me to get woozy. I also have very low blood pressure.
I'm just in shock about how lucky I am that I wasn't holding my son when it happend. I realize that right now in my life..he is the only thing I have to live for. He is the only male in my life that loves me right now and that I have to love right now. That will never change. I need to be there for him and do everything I can for him.
I don't have regrets..just curiosities..would somethings been better left undone?
Sometimes I think it would have..for the sake of my self esteem.
So I'm a little pissy today, I went for lunch with a guy I used to "see" ie. he was in another relationship at the time. It was we actually did go out and what not and it was physical but no sex. (This was back when I was younger) Anyway we reconnected a while ago..I thing I wrote a blog about him. He's back in town and divorced..but still living with the ex wife.
Anywho he invited me to lunch, I accepted because you should never turn down a free lunch lol.
Everything was going fine until he started the whole "I'm still really attracted to you and I wish I would have done things different and what might have been.." speech.
FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!
I find it so lovely how I am this "Wonderful, intelligent, attractive woman..but..since I'm already "trapped" in a shitty relationship maybe we can just hook up.
I've had it. I'm sick of being DEMEANED into feeling like a hooker. Those are the kind of women you fuck on the side. They don't care that you have a wife or a girlfriend and that your supposed to be with her. They care about money. I am not one of those women.
I just want a relationship without all the fucking drama..but men seem to eat that shit up with a spoon. Just like the guy I was having lunch with. She was such a bitch to him when they were together and would cry on my shoulder and now he's thinking about going back to her?!! Bitches don't change!! Its like cheaters, they cheated once and you take them back, the only thing they learn is that they can get away with it.
I don't ask for much from a man but I refuse to take this crap.
his first blog.
. pbk y ,d
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hey you! Wanna learn something?
Anoher day in the life of moi!
Hello my little turtle doves!
I didn't have time to write about my day yesterday, mainly because I was in bed by 8:30! Just a wee bit tired, but I have a little time today to squeeze it in.
My work day started off with me on my knees...No not like that, I was pricing tee shirts in the various cubes for 2 hours. I had to giggle at the irony of being on my knees price checking tee shirts that said "I HEART BJ's!".
I was wearing a very cute *but cheap* thong that had these little ties on the side and the one tie kept comming loose (normally I don't talk about my undies but this is going somewhere..) So after fixing it for about the 10th time I decided, Fuck this, and took it off and shoved it in my purse. I've gone commando before so its not like it was a big issue. I was still pricing the tees at this point and I was bent over while I was doing it, no crack was showing but my low rises were, well rising quite low. A *cute* guy was wandering around looking at the tees and all of a sudden goes "Hey, I'm going commando too!" I was slightly embarrased but I looked and the guy and said " Your thong must have sucked too didn't it?" I ended up explaining my little underwear story and he just laughed..but at least he bought a tee shirt :)
After my lunch break my boss informed me that she had a conference call and I would be left to my own devices in the store. Which was fine by me because it was super slow * All the kids are back in school* and we just got a shit load of Halloween stock so I could rumage through it all and put it wherever I wanted.
Side Note: for those of you that wondered I work at "Spencers Gifts" its a kick ass store.
I was up on my little step ladder fixing the shelving units and whatnot and "Candy shop" by my man fiddy came on *this is actually one of the few songs I like of his* * its got a good beat ok!* Anywho, I hear this song and I have to do a little dance..I can't help it! So I'm gettin a little into it, booty shaking and holding onto the metal shelf pole and working out my inner stripper when my boss comes out of the office and sees me. She totally busted out laughing..shes cool but I was still a tad embarrased. Note to self, keep stripping in privacy of own home.
The rest of the day was quite busy and I must say our Halloween stuff this year looks great. MY only beef is that its kinda shoddy for what you pay. Thank goodness for staff discounts hehe. We don't have in any costumes yet but I'm thinking vampire dominatrix. One things for sure, I will once again be busting out my 4 inch heel calf high, black lace up vinyl boots. Really when besides halloween would I ever wear them?
Curious to know if anyone else has thought about their Halloween attire yet?
long bitchy post..you can skip it if you want...
Oh geez..
If theres one thing I hate, that really pisses me off, its pity.
Now there is a difference between being sympathetic and sensitive and pittying someone. People can fee bad for a situation or the outcome but don't say you feel sorry for me. It makes me feel weak and like I'm a big loser.
My mom did this to me. I didn't get mad at her though cuz shes my mom and I know she meant well...plus thats why I come here..to bitch lol.
She gave me a hug today *my family hugs a lot, we are dysfunctional but tight anyway* and she goes "Sometimes I just feel so bad for you...." I cringed, because I hate hearing that and I knew something was comming. So I took a deep breath and asked her why. "If you could just meet someone nice... maybe get out and meet some people.." She kinda trailed off there.
Fuck..are you kidding me? I've only been broken up from my exfiance of almost a year for about 7 months. And it wasn't like we just had a big fight and broke up, he cheated on me, took my money, roughed me up while I was pregnant and left me. OH sure I'm just dying to jump back into a relationship!!!!
Yes, I will admit it, I'm fucking lonely. It's bloody hard raising a baby by myself and I miss having someone to be intimate with but I've got so many issues right now that it would hardly be fair to even attempt a relationship. Also I would like to know just how she expects me to meet people in this town. I'm not a bar star and I'm not a church goer. That kinda narrows it down for me. There isn't anything wrong with bars *if thats the kind of people your looking for* and there isn't anything wrong with people who go to church *but I don't really buy into that shit is all* Plus its kinda hard to meet guys that are going to freak out the second I mention I have a kid. I feel like they are going to think that all I want is a baby daddy and money. Really, getting laid isn't an issue anymore either. I can get laid if I really wanted to but whats the point. ITs fucking empty, doesn't change how I feel ect. Its not really good when its in the backseat of a car and theres no cuddling after. I may as well just stay home and do it myself at least I won't care if I fall asleep after.
Plus I have only actually been on one offical "date" in my life and it was horrible!!! He was so pushy and I hate that~ he was trying to hold my hand like 30 mins into the movie we went to. First of all, I don't know you and I don't know where your hands have been. Secondly I like to make the moves first bitch. :P
FLYINGMOTHERCUPCAKES!!! AAARRRRGGGHHH!
You know what I want? Ideally I want someone who I know I can trust *above anything else* someone who makes me laugh, that I can just hang out with in my ratty sweats and drink coffee with or get dressed up with and go to a fancy dinner and still have a good time.Someone that I could breakdown completely infront of and they won't freak out *very rare if this happens* Someone who has a mind of their own and will argue with me *good naturedly, don't be a prick* Someone I can have sex with *a lot* and not have to feel self conscious around * this is a huge deal for me* Someone who has their own life but makes me a part of it and respects that I have my own life too. Someone that I can see myself being with and who wants to be with me and my son...eventually...but there won't be a huge pressure to make it all perfect. Someone who likes to be taken care of and will be there for me when I go to bed at night.
Alright, I think I'm done for the moment. I'm tired as usual so I think I will get while the gettins good.
you can't spell reptile without R.I.P
Steve Irwin the "Crocodile Hunter" has died at the age of 44.
He was filming a show titled "Worlds most Dangerous Creatures" when he got too close to a giant Stingray, prompting the Stingray to pierce him. Normally they are very painful but not deadly however it entered just under his rib and hit his heart.
I would have always figured he would have been eaten alive by a croc.
Crikey!...
the return of the celeb wet dream...
Last nights lucky lad was none other than Jason Stratham *see transporter,lock stock and two smoking barrels or Crash which is out soon*
I've never had him before but I would say he was pretty fantastic. I enjoy a bit of a hard body and as you can see by the picture this man delivers. The dream itself was a bit odd though as we on a raft in shark infested waters!! In reality I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be having sex if I were in that kind of situation...then again if I'm out in the middle of the ocean on a raft swirling with sharks and probably going to die anyway, I guess it does seem like the right thing to do.
I was inspired by the latest copy of "Glamour" to do a little Xmas shopping early this year. Actually I should say Xmas "fantasy" shopping. Because all the things I want this year I will probably not get nor will ever be able to afford. But a girl can dream!!!
My poor boy, his teeth are really bothering him and theres not much you can do besides give some infant tylenol and orajel which numbs the gums for a bit. It must be so painful and he is trying to bite everything and anything *counter pressure* I try my best to sooth him but it gets tough after a while when nothing seems to be helping.
I was holding him and all of a sudden he chomps on my shoulder *erotic when done by lovers,not so much by an angry 6month old* Let me tell you, that shit hurts!!
My mom offered to give him his bottle and settle him down so I could have a break after that. I have a really short fuse and I know he's only a baby and I would NEVER EVER hurt him but I get really pissy. I don't wanna take it out on him so its nice to be able to hand him over to my mom for a bit.
I'm so friggin exhausted, haven't been sleeping well because Cash keeps waking up because of his teeth and when I am sleeping I'm having stupid nightmares. I read somewhere that you can encourage your self to lucid dream, where your half asleep and half awake and you can control your dreams. I should try that. Or maybe I'll just think happy thoughts and see if that works.
What helps you guys settle down when you can't sleep?
I used to drink warm milk but now with the lactose thing I don't think thats a great idea.
Maybe a hot bath.. yeah..I'm off to the tub!
night~*
