I know its been a few days since my last post but I've been hesitant to write too much..kind of a knock on wood thing.

I think my ex might be serious about changing this time, he's been calling regularly and we've been having a lot of what seems like really honest conversations. I think it helps being at his moms house because she is one of the few people that can keep the sense in him.

I guess the crackwhore (I say this with no malice as that is what she actually is) is calling his house like,20 times a day trying to talk to him. I'm pretty sure though that he's over it considdering he had his mom tell her to quit calling or he would charge her with harassment.

Its becomming a stickier situation for me because this is the first time I really feel that he is changing and its scary because I want to be happy about it but at the same time its only been about a week since I started talking to him again and that things have been good. I'm not about to write off months of pain and heart ache for one good week.

He's trying to get into rehab and he's talking about finding work after wards. He also talks about how much he misses me. Its been hard hearing about how he's been spending his time,but he tells me because he feels comfortable talking to me and because I kind of understand what he's going through. At the same time though hearing about it gives me such a pain in my stomach because he chose to live that way and it makes me wonder why. I know it can't easily be explained especially when it comes to drugs but it still hurts.

The other night before I got off the phone with him I told him I loved him. It wasn't a huge production,almost a blink and you'll miss it kinda thing. I'm not even really sure why it came out just then, I guess I blame it on the moment and my conflicted yet ever present feelings.

Everyday has felt like an uphill climb for me and I wonder if this if this is going to be something that will be good..or just another thing I will have to push past.