here I go again...

Call me crazy but I'm at it again..yeah,yeah I know haha.

I can't help it, I smell fresh meat and I'm on it like a fat kid on a smartie. It also doesn't help that I think I have a way with guys, I'm a flirt and I like to tease them but I don't act like a whore..I don't know what it is but I just seem to enchant them or something..which occasionally has its draw backs. However I think I may enjoy this one. *mwha*

Hes the new guy at work *what is it about my job that attracts the hottest guys?* he's my type to a T. Bad,buff and beaaaauuuutiful! He's the thing wet dreams are made of. I worked with him last night and he's already calling me sexy...and he bit me. Yes you read that right. He bit me. We were talking about the other cook who is a nice guy but has the most repulsive body odor you could imagine, and I mentioned that I smelled far better than he did. Well he had to smell me for comparision sake and leaned in. He liked what he smelled cuz the next thing I know he's biting my neck. Well..I was glad I was sitting down...because GODDAMN! Bite the neck and I am done.

I don't mean to sound conceited but it will so I'll just say it...I could so hit that. lol. Not that I've really made it a secret. Its great because he would totally be up for it too...hmmm this could either be really good or so very very bad. I have to say though the attention is a nice boost.

I'm working on repairing my self esteem which has taken a few blows..a lot of them are self inflicted but I also know that as evil as I can be...well I can't be a bitch forever. I have also gotten a lot of nice compliments thrown my way in the last little while. The other night I was sitting around at work just hanging out and I was just wearing a hoodie and jeans but I had my hair done a little and some make up on and one of my regulars did a double take, said "wow you look phenonminal today!" I also heard from one of my ex's the other day that I don't need make up...and he's seen me first thing in the morning so I know its a genuine compliment comming from him.

Wow...I swear I must have multipul personalities..some days..well a lot of days I feel like absolute shit and I cry because I'm so heartbroken and then other days I'm like "fuck men, I'm just going to shake my shit and they'll like it and then I'll screw with them" I'm trying to figure out if I'll ever just find a happy medium..a bad boy that I could just settle down with and be content. Who knows? I do know that I am done with the whole "love" thing for a while. I'm just going to be a player and not commit to anything or anyone. Its just too dangerous. Theres too much out there to get serious anyway.

Man, I smell something fierce right now..lol..okay I know, TMI. I work in a grease hole for 8 hours..what can you expect? I need to shower..I didn't get to have one yesterday. Probably because I was too stoned to get out of my chair. Something I'm also doing right now..I've decided to go on a crazy bender and see how long I can work,smoke weed and do stuff without sleep. So far I'm on day three and had about 4 hours or so. I tell ya though, everything I've eaten in the last couple days has been really, really good lol.

but time for me to go destinkafy myself...