God help me.

Its not so much an exclaimation as it is a desprate plea. God.help.me.

I go back and forth between being so furiously angry and so horribly heart broken. When will it stop? When can I quit crying myself to sleep? When can I quit hating him? When can I quit hating myself.

On one hand I know I have so much to live for but on the other I can't help but feel like I have nothing for myself, to live for.

I want so badly to scream at him, to strike him over and over and over. I want to see his pain. I want him to love me as badly as I loved him and I want him to know how much it hurts. I believe there is such a thing as karma and I can't say I don't relish to see the day.. just a little.. that his mistakes come back to him 3 fold.