hmmm..
3 days grace- "I hate everything about you" ( so why do I still love you)
So the jerk (formerly known as the boy) texted me the other day to say that he was still alive and that he would be down in a few weeks and we would talk then.
I resisted txting back all the snarky replies that were running through my head but I was seething.
Like his casual message was supposed to make up for completely disapearing? Also what could we possibly have left to talk about? Of course there are things I would like to say, plently of four letter words that would come with reckless abandon. "What would be the point?" i wondered suddenly to myself, of once again ripping open my wounds just to have it go in one ear and out the other.
What do I really want to hear from him and would it really change anything. I think I'm starting to realise that I need to wake up. That he's not wallowing in misery and probably not having trouble sleeping at night. Even if he was, why should I care? He broke my heart! Why beat my head against a wall by still loving him.
What could he possibly have to say to me? Anything he would say at this point he would have to know that I would just dismiss as more lies. As far as "his" kid goes I don't even know what to say. He can say he wants to be apart of his life but I'm not gonna play by his rules, fuck that. I also highly doubt he has a (legal) job so thats gonna piss me off even more because its like he's gonna sit there going off about how he has a right to see and raise his kid but he doesn't have the responsibility to go get a job and support it? How much goddamn sense does that make?
Is this what its always going to be like? Is there any real men left out there? I'm not bagging on men, see I know there are good men out there it just seems like they are either taken or they start out good and then just go absolutly fucked. It seems like they are afraid to be with a good woman. Like its impossible to find a woman who is strong yet goofy, loyal and better than their horrible exgf was. Men I date always tell me that I am the closest thing to perfect and it scares the hell out of them...BUH??? So I'm suppose to be a bitch? Is that it?
I wish I could figure this out so maybe I can figure out how to not get myself into this crap again..and again...
So the jerk (formerly known as the boy) texted me the other day to say that he was still alive and that he would be down in a few weeks and we would talk then.
I resisted txting back all the snarky replies that were running through my head but I was seething.
Like his casual message was supposed to make up for completely disapearing? Also what could we possibly have left to talk about? Of course there are things I would like to say, plently of four letter words that would come with reckless abandon. "What would be the point?" i wondered suddenly to myself, of once again ripping open my wounds just to have it go in one ear and out the other.
What do I really want to hear from him and would it really change anything. I think I'm starting to realise that I need to wake up. That he's not wallowing in misery and probably not having trouble sleeping at night. Even if he was, why should I care? He broke my heart! Why beat my head against a wall by still loving him.
What could he possibly have to say to me? Anything he would say at this point he would have to know that I would just dismiss as more lies. As far as "his" kid goes I don't even know what to say. He can say he wants to be apart of his life but I'm not gonna play by his rules, fuck that. I also highly doubt he has a (legal) job so thats gonna piss me off even more because its like he's gonna sit there going off about how he has a right to see and raise his kid but he doesn't have the responsibility to go get a job and support it? How much goddamn sense does that make?
Is this what its always going to be like? Is there any real men left out there? I'm not bagging on men, see I know there are good men out there it just seems like they are either taken or they start out good and then just go absolutly fucked. It seems like they are afraid to be with a good woman. Like its impossible to find a woman who is strong yet goofy, loyal and better than their horrible exgf was. Men I date always tell me that I am the closest thing to perfect and it scares the hell out of them...BUH??? So I'm suppose to be a bitch? Is that it?
I wish I could figure this out so maybe I can figure out how to not get myself into this crap again..and again...
posted by that girl at 7:24 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home