So I've got my bpp (biophysical profile) tommorrow at the hospital and its really frustrating because I don't know exactly why they want to run all these tests and how it is going to affect my birth or my baby,..which I have about 4 weeks left until the due date. Could be sooner though..who knows. I'm just exhausted all the time. My ex isn't helping matters.

Heard from him last week and he still loves me yada yada but I have a feeling that he's not too wounded at all. He said he would call a few days ago..Which never happend. Heard from him again last night and he blamed it on a work delay and said he would txt later. Not to anyones surprise he didn't. I'm just sick and tired of it all. I don't know why I'm trying so hard to hold onto something that evendently doesn't want to be held. I guess things have just been so hard that I would rather put up with his bullshit than feel like I have nothing. Its lame but true.

Then there is my other ex who still wants to have sex with me and would do so at pretty much any given oppourtunity but its really the last thing on my mind right now and looks to be that way for a while. If I wasn't pregnant I probably would have slept with him just for something to do. That hardly sounds fair to him but he's not the type that would take something like that personally. Its weird..with him and I all of our feelings are entertwined yet seperate when need be. I guess we use each other based on how much we need each other at that particular time. I hope that makes sense.

Anyway I'm more or less just trying to find ways to pass the hours..which seem painfully long no matter what I'm doing. It is always nice to hear about others though and I send them good thoughts..I also send my thanks as well. It is true how it often doesn't seem like enough but sometimes its the most simple to express.