Here piggy piggy....

I wrote this blog a few years ago and decided to re-post it here, just for something to do. A few notes: I no longer work in said restaurant and I would rather poke out my own eye with a rusty spork than go back. Also I am still not a small girl so once again don't go assuming I'm a skinny girl making fun of fat people. On that note however for the record of fat people complaining how "hard" it really is to loose weight, I just had a baby a month ago yesterday and I am already at my pre-pregnancy weight. So if your a fatty looking for sympathy,you might find it with Betty or Duncan but you won't find it here.

This blog is devoted to all things fat.

I work as a waitress in a popular "family" restaurant where the only remotely healthy things to be found are the garden salad and the fruit cups. Thats it.
Out of all the people I serve in a night I would have to say that at least 50% of them are obese. Not overweight, not chunky but outlandishly huge.Now, Before all you fatties start sending me hate mail about what a skinny bitch I am, know this: I am not a skinny girl.

I am infact healthy and yes I could probably stand to loose 10-15 pounds. I have never been a small girl and I do know what its like to be the fat kid. I also know that weight can be lost. Its not the big people that honestly try to loose weight,or people that have conditions that I have something against.I also would like to mention that I find big guys sexy, not fat guys. I said big guys, you know solid hulks of men, guys that look like they could be football players. Not the guys that sit in the chair watching football.

Its the lazy ass whiny chumps that sit there and talk about how fat they are with a bag of lite chips in one hand and a diet coke in the other.YOUR NOT FOOLING ANYONE!!! DIET AND LITE? NOT IF YOU EAT THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!!!!When are fat people going to learn that its not just about what they eat? Its about how fucking much they are shoving into those tiny pie holes. Its about wheezing from walking up a damn flight of stairs. Its running low on groceries and looking at fluffy like shes the next meal.

So your probably wondering, Am I a fatty?

I have compiled a short list of questions to help you decide.
1) Do you have to be weighed on a cattle scale?
2) Do you have to do workout tapes on slow-mo so you can keep up?
3) Have you ever eaten condiments straight out of the jar?
4) Does the food channel make you hungry? (5+) If it also turns you on.
5) Have you ever found food in your fat folds?
6) Could you bottle your sweat like evian?
7) Do the words "toga" and "mumu" describe your apparel?
8) Have you seen your feet or genitals in the last year? *without bending over or lifting a fold*
9) Do people make animal noises or shout "earthquake" when you walk by?
10 ) Do small children use your shadow for shade in the summer?

If you can relate to these questions, well my portly friend you are indeed a fatty.