Be forwarned...I'm about to bitch about my sucky love life, so if you don't want to read a pathetic piece of pity writing..skip this blog and go to the next one. If you choose to read it and leave me a comment that says something like "get over it you lameo" I will be forced to find out where you live and leave a flaming bag of fecal matter on your door step...that'll learn ya. *Disclaimer: I cannot be held responsible for any damages that said bag of matter may cause and by reading the following you waive all rights to file any legal action...ect.*

So a couple days my ex got back in contact with me and told me that he would be comming back to the city to see me and his son. I thought to myself "Yeah right how many times have I heard this before". I did my best to keep thinking that but he was so insistant this time. He also pulled out the, "I still love you and I miss you and I miss not being about to see the baby." I still kept on my game face and didn't tell him I loved him back but I could tell I was starting to crack. Maybe, just maybe this time he'll actually show up...I don't know why its something I want, I by all rights should hate him. After all he left me before our son was even born. He screwed me in more ways than I can count on one hand.

I know its because deep down I'm still holding on to that hope that all of this is just a huge bad dream and that I'm still engaged to a wonderful man and that I'm going to have his baby and we are going to be a family. We are going to be just like my parents, married for 35 years and still in love.

Well today was the day he was supposed to be here... and I haven't heard a thing. He hasn't returned my texts and I don't expect him to, or he will and will have some kind of excuse....he always does.


Somedays I just wish I could stay in bed all day and just cry.