Rrrriiiipppp!

That my friends is the sound of an extremely painful,yet extremly trendy brazillian wax. I am recovering with a strategically placed ice pack as I sit in front of my computer. The only reason I took it off today is because tonight I have my third dinner date with the very sexy Mr. M. We all know what the third date entails and I want to be prepared.

Prepared...it sounds like I'm getting ready to go into battle rather than on a date. My male friends always ask me why women fish so hard for compliments on dates and my answer is always this : "After all the planning we put into one little date, it shouldn't be too damn hard for you to tell us we look pretty. "

Don't buy it guys? Lets review: * to be fair I asked my good guy friend J to provide his side of a pre-date ritual.*

My pre-date ritual- *set for the time line of a 7:00 pm date*

4-5pm - Do yoga with heat cranked up,so as to sweat off water weight and looked toned.
5:00-5:30- turn heat down,shower,exfoliate,shave,moisturize and add light coat of self tanner. While waiting for tanner to dry paint fingers and toes. Put on chick music and go through underwear drawer. Weed out laundry day underwear for sexy bra and panty combo.
5:30-6:00- assess clothing and carefully pick out tastefull yet sexy outfit. Accessorize with necklace,ring and bracelet...remove bracelet for fear of looking too "busy".
6:00-6:30-Do hair and make-up,have a glass of something to calm nerves. Spray a mist of sensual new perfume and walk through so as to not gag date.
6:30-6:45-Brush teeth,apply lipstick,re-touch make-up and hair. Stand in front of mirror nervously smoothing outfit with hands.
6:45-6:55- Load tiny purse with essentials, Lipstick,mints,compact,cell-phone,keys,money,credit cards,tampons,band-aids,safety pins,condoms,tissues and a tooth brush *hey ya never know!*
6:55-7:00- Stand by front door posing and waiting for door bell.
7:10- Door bell rings, check self out one last time and get ready to face date.

His pre-date ritual:

5:00-5:30- Sit in front of T.V flipping between Sports center and Nascar.
5:30-5:45- Shave and shower. Examine body in mirror, flexing for imaginary girls. Brush teeth and apply pit stick. Douse on colonge. Want date to notice how good you smell and kill her olefatory glands simultaniously.
5:45-6:00- Look for clean underwear and clothes. Assess wrinkles and if you can hide old stain with a tie. Think about ironing shirt. Laugh to self.
6:00-6:45- Play X-box football, have a beer to loosen up. Loose track of time.
6:45-6:55- Search for wallet,keys and socks. Check wallet for lucky condom. Head out the door.
6:55-7:00-Goes back to lock front door.
7:00-7:05-Runs into stop&shop to pick up 10$ flower arrangement. You really want to impress her and nothing does it better than flowers.
7:10-Ring dates doorbell and hopes tonight she will show apperciation for flowers.

So there you have it. Now I know that not all guys are as...how should I say it...Low-matinence as my friend J, lets not forget about our "metro-sexual males" out there. I would imagine that their pre-date ritual would be an mixing of both the female and male rituals..so...gelling highlighted hair into place while listening to sports from the other room.

But back to the wax job. I have always kept this area fairly tidy in terms of hair foliage but one of my bestest girls suggested taking all off "for something exciting". I must admit I do like the notion of floss free oral sex but am a little weirded out by the starkness of it.

Ohhh, I just got a text message who I assume is from Mr.M. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us tonight.....

Let me know what ya'll think..continue? Males and females comments welcomed.

hurray for being a goober! I had posted some results from those little quiz thingies that I took but I unwittingly put them together and they made little sense..So I had to delete them.

One thing I can do well however is cook. Today I made my "skor cake" for lunch...so yummy! A dark chocolate cake soaked with caramel, topped with whipped cream and crunched up skor chocolate bars. Only about 10 million calories lol. Still a piece of it is like heaven..or what I imagine heaven to be like except without wings and a ton of hot buff naked guys.....er.....angels.

So I'm kicking myself cuz I never did finish the second part of the story and I think my problem is that I'm a good writer but I seriously have A.D.D and can't finish my sagas. So I'm thining I might try a shorter fictional blog type thing...it would come in installments so I could write whenever the mood strikes. It would kinda be like the one in Cosmo (yes I read Cosmo, not that I need advice about sex obviously LOL) A sex in the cityish story of a single female and her adventures, I might even loosely base some events on my real life. Although I wouldn't reaveal which ones are real or fictional, not for fear of incriminating myself but possible of anyone I know that might read this..hehe...*your girlfriend doesn't hate me only because she doesn't know me*

Lullabyes haunt my dreams

As the title implys my new favorite song playlist goes something like this: Rockabye baby,twinkle twinkle little star,mary had a little lamb...oh interesting side note, did anyone ever realize how the ABC song and twinkle little star are almost exactly the same tune. Bet your singing to yourselves right now aren't you?!

Baby is doing a bit better, switched him to lactose free formula..he seems to be doing a bit better. He only screams for 10 mins every feeding as opposed to 20 lol. Sometimes it drives you crazy but all is forgiven when you see the little chubbers smile. (chubbers is his nickname cuz well, he's chubby :) so cute!)

So for real music I am diggin T-Pains song "I'm in love with a stripper"...it will stick in your head. Might wanna be carefull about singing that one in public,unless you have no problems with people thinking your a frequent at strip clubs.

"We are the tards,they like to keep us together"

I don't think I've ever written about the tards who live across the street from me. normally I wouldn't call them tards, I think they like to be called mentally disabled or impared. I refer to them as tards because thats actually what they called themselves the day I met them. So I better not get any nasty comments about not calling tards, tards. okie dokie then..on with the story.

*Side note: I have used the word tard 6 times now...its loosing meaning already*


Tard encounter 1#
I think it was the day of my sisters wedding when we first noticed them, it was a sweltering 38 (thats degrees cel.) and we were heading out the door to hop in the limo. A limo is a fancy thing and people always seem to like gawking when they see one but it was my family and I who did the gawking when we noticed one of the tards standing in the middle of his drive way wearing his bathing trunks watching us, which might not have been so weird except that he was wearing a darth maul mask..you know, the red and black one from the star wars movie. Alright then.

Tard encounter 2#
It was another nice day quite sometime later and Iwas walking home from the store by my house. I was passing a middle aged man a short distance from my house picking up his mail. He said hello and politely made comment about the nice weather.I slowed down and agreed. He stuck out his hand and introduced himself. "Well I'm Bruce, Bruce Wayne..Whats your name?"
I though, okay maybe its a funny coincidence and I shouldn't say an..."I'm Batman"! was what came next before I could finish my thought. Thats right kids, this guy thought he was batman..not the Micheal Keaton,George Clooney or Val Kilmer Batman..Oh no, he was the old school Adam West batman. At that point I continued to be polite but started walking a little quicker in the direction of my house. Before he went into the tard house he told me he would "See me next week, same great time,same great channel.." Uh...yeah..

Tard encounter 3#
After much debate with my family about the "house of tards" I decided to find out exactly what the deal was. So I saw one of the midget tards outside and approached him. I was very friendly and we made conversation for a while and I asked him if he was visiting the house or if he lived there with family. His reply was this "We are the tards and they like to keep us together." Like it was some kind of tard society or Tard pen to keep them from running loose in the streets. I got the chance to then chat with one of the non-tard caretakers and it turned out that it was kinda like a group home for tards. Caretakers are there round the clock but the tards practically live independantly.

I've met most of the tards in the house and a lot of them are pretty cool. I still think Batman is the shit as long as you do not in anyway allude to crime of any sort. Don't talk about stuff you saw in the paper or on the news..nothing. This gets him hysterical and he raves about going to the bat cave. I wish I was making this up....

unreasonable?....not anymore.

Oh yes, there is a piss off part deux!

So I was going to let it go and was waiting for him to call me back so I could make nice...only he never called. After he said he would only be gone for an hour..and promised to call. That gets me. Don't ever make a promise you can't keep, especially when you've already pissed someone off.

I have this feeling that he wasn't even home last night (if you get my drift) or else he would have called.

I know he's trying to win back my trust and everything but you don't try for a couple weeks and figure thats enough.

I'm just in a bad mood today. I know not all men are jerks...but somedays I really think being a lesbian would be the way to go! :P

unreasonable?

So as most of you know, I have been talking to my ex by phone for the last couple weeks. Its something we have had to make work because with a baby you go by their schedual..so usually we talk late at night when my boy is sleeping or whenever we can squeeze in some time.

Tonight I got extremely annoyed and I'm wondering if I maybe over reacted. The situation is as follows....

I call ex to chat, it is around 7:15.
We talk for approx 10 mins about our sons doctor apt.
At about 730 his step brother comes home.
For almost the next half hour he proceeds to carry on,banter,play fight and argue with his stepbrother..while still on the phone with me. He pauses sporadically to apologize and then goes right back to it!!!

SO I finally get pissy and tell him he can call me later when he wants to actually talk to ME! He then tells me not to get "grumpy"
ESQUEEZE ME???!!!??!

he practically ignores me and then doesn't think I should get upset? Thats not even the best part...
I explain why I am irritated and that I am now even more irritated by him implying I shouldn't be. So now he turns around and gets all "grumpy" and goes "Fine I'm listening" ..Yeah cuz I really want to talk to you now...Ass....

I basically repeated the afformentioned "call me later" thing and we said goodbye. And well, I'm still angry and I don't think I was wrong for being angry.

What do you guys think? Should I let it go and chalk it up to idiotism or should I bust his balls for being rude?

I know I haven't been posting very much but I have a colicky baby at home, so i've been spending my time trying to sooth him and sleep and talk to my ex in between.

Things are still going alright I suppose. He is on a wait list for rehab which worries me because how do you expect someone with an addiction to "wait" for treatment. However he is going to go to meetings and get a job so that he won't just be sitting around.

I'm still trying to go back and forth in my head, trying to give him the chance but staying hesistant at the same time. I think its going to be like this for a while. I can see him in my future and it may not be the way he wants it to be but I know I have to do whats best for me.

Anyway, I'm just glad the weather is getting nicer here. It seems like things are easier to deal with in the summer because its nice and warm and you can go out and just relax. I'm hoping to get to the pool this summer and do a bit of swimming. I really want to loose some weight. I don't think I'm fat but I'm definitly not the size I would like to be. Plus I want to get into shape so that I can keep up with my little rug rat :)

I hope everyone is doing well. Or as well as can be, life can certainly be unpredictable enough to really be thought of as "well".

I know its been a few days since my last post but I've been hesitant to write too much..kind of a knock on wood thing.

I think my ex might be serious about changing this time, he's been calling regularly and we've been having a lot of what seems like really honest conversations. I think it helps being at his moms house because she is one of the few people that can keep the sense in him.

I guess the crackwhore (I say this with no malice as that is what she actually is) is calling his house like,20 times a day trying to talk to him. I'm pretty sure though that he's over it considdering he had his mom tell her to quit calling or he would charge her with harassment.

Its becomming a stickier situation for me because this is the first time I really feel that he is changing and its scary because I want to be happy about it but at the same time its only been about a week since I started talking to him again and that things have been good. I'm not about to write off months of pain and heart ache for one good week.

He's trying to get into rehab and he's talking about finding work after wards. He also talks about how much he misses me. Its been hard hearing about how he's been spending his time,but he tells me because he feels comfortable talking to me and because I kind of understand what he's going through. At the same time though hearing about it gives me such a pain in my stomach because he chose to live that way and it makes me wonder why. I know it can't easily be explained especially when it comes to drugs but it still hurts.

The other night before I got off the phone with him I told him I loved him. It wasn't a huge production,almost a blink and you'll miss it kinda thing. I'm not even really sure why it came out just then, I guess I blame it on the moment and my conflicted yet ever present feelings.

Everyday has felt like an uphill climb for me and I wonder if this if this is going to be something that will be good..or just another thing I will have to push past.

I decided that since this is one of the only ways I can get out my thoughts and feelings I may as well utilize it.

A few days ago on my birthday my exfiance called me at 3 in the morning.."to see how I was". This call came with many mixed feelings. Relief that he was still alive and not in jail,anger at the fact that he still left me and our son to go shack up with some bimbo. Ah but it gets deeper, I knew that he was probably back to his old ways of doing and selling drugs but he usually lied about it and tried to cover it up. Not that night. In a quiet voice he confirmed to me what I had suspected and deep down what I had feared. He was doing and selling cocaine and his new girlfriend was also a user.
This is what I had been left for. A drug. A stupid fucking drug.
He was back at his moms house which gave me a little hope that maybe this time he was serious about changing. He told me that he wanted to go to rehab and get clean,this was something I had never heard him say before. Although I was skeptical,how many times had he told me things just so that I would stay on his leash just a little bit longer? This time however he offered me no excuses. He said that he would call me everyday and that he just wanted to be clean.

That was a few days ago and I waited up every night hoping my phone would ring. I finally called his moms house tonight to talk to her and I also ended up talking to him. Turns out he was out the last few days cutting his ties to the drug world and leaving behind his crackhead girlfriend. He also told me that tommorrow he was calling to get into a rehab center about an hour from here.

I don't know what to think or how to feel right now. I want to so badly believe he'll do it because part of me still loves him. Yet he's burned me so badly that part of me wishes he would just go away and stay gone. How do you love someone and hate them at the same time?

my apologies to everyone who is awaiting my finished story. I'm one of those weird people that can't write unless I'm in a "mood" and I just haven't been in the write mood yet. Hopefully it will get there soon.

Theres some shit going on right now with my exfiance...so I kinda have to deal with that and with taking care of my son, I'm just exhausted. I'm just needing to figure things out.

The diagnosis from the plastic surgeon today about my sloooowly healing stomach abcess is that I need to have it "cut out" ...SAY WHAT? I didn't know it was possible to cut out something that was already cut out. OH but it is! The theory, from what I got is that they cut around the original wound to open up fresh tissue then they just stitch it shut and it should heal nicely. Uhm okey dokey..or he said that we could just let it heal on its own but that could take another month and a half.Doing the surgery means it could heal in 10-12 days. Alrighty then lets get choppin...heheh. He just has to clear it through my doctor first. So it looks like yours truely is having my third surgery in 3 months...:P

On a better note its my 23 birthday tommorrow..so ya'll better call me old and stuff.. :) whatever I'm a milf so its all good lol.

I would also like to address a common problem I noticed with people that post on blogs..IF your too much of a coward to post using your own name (or a clever pen name) don't bother. Also if you absolutly must be a prick at least try to present it in a way that at least one person might find funny.
Last but not least, there is a little button in the top corner of the blog page that goes to the next bazillion blogs, so if you don't like the one your reading feel free to go bug someone else. Better yet , go suck an egg :)

Hollywood..sheesh.

So I read an article online that this guy wants to convince Paris Hilton to be in his next movie, not too odd except for the subject matter of the movie... he wants her to star as Mother Teresa. Yup,couldn't make up shit this good if I tried.

I fail to see any parallels at all between the two. One did charity and the other..well..she probably did Charity and a few of his friends.

bored? try these...

www.bored.com - exactly what the name implys..if your bored its got links to jokes,quizzes,funny news,puzzle..tons of shit.

www.pandora.com an awesome streaming radio thingy that tailors to music you like. Example- If you like metal type in "Slayer" and you'll get that and other heavy metal bands like slayer. Just make sure that if you want to listen to it while you browse somewhere else you open a seperate window or else the music goes bye bye lol :P

www.newgrounds.com -flash animated cartoons and games. Some of them are cheap animations that look like pictures colored by kindergarten kids but some of the flashes are really thought provoking and cool. Plus in most of the flash games you get to blow shit up..and who doesn't love that :)

On Wednesday, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won't ever happen again.

m'kay..I need to vent. Sorry if ya'll are sick of hearing about it.

Song o'the day: I love you more-Eminem.
Today is day 3 that I haven't tried to contact my ex. I'm going to really try this time to beat this bad habbit. Man, even quitting drugs wasn't this hard. ( I haven't touched hard drugs for 7 years.) You think it would be easy to give up on someone who treated you like dirt but I think that people at one point or another in their lives are gluttons for punishment.

The odd thing is that I pretend to be more confident than I am. I tell everyone that I'm glad he's gone and good riddence, but then I'm checking my cell when no one's looking in case he texted or called. If he does I always try to give him attitude and be mad but it never fails, time and time again I end up giving in and buying his lousy excuses.

Hopefully I can just make it one more day and then another and another. Until maybe it just doesn't feel so damn raw...

while I'm gearing up to finish the second half of my fictional story I thought I would take a little time out to jot down some things about something I love...me.

I loves me some:
Girl Guide cookies..there goes eating healthy.damn tasty girl guides.
Sassy old country songs that remind me I don't need a man or that if they are sleezy its totally okay to take their money and run off with their best friend.
Make up,perfume and hair dye. I have a drawer full of make up and perfume that I keep because its pretty and I might wear it someday...I should also be in a 12 step program for dying my hair. I've been blonde,brunette,black,redheaded,blue, purple...yeah I miss the blue..that was hot.
Stripper shoes...you see them and you go "Ugh those are so tacky" but you know that secretly you would love to try them on..you know the ones I'm talking about, the thigh high patent leather boots or the 4 inch stillettos. Thing is I actually own a pair..calf high,4 inch lace ups with red flames that I purchased while drunk at a "love emporium" other wise know as a sex store. I wore them on Halloween and they have sat in my closet ever since..I'm waiting for a special occasion :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alright, a few questions for you all to chew on.

1) If you could pick any era to live which and why?
2) "Hate sex", yea or ney? (for those of you not familiar with the term its basically a bootie call with someone you don't like but do anyway out of desperation)
3) Is it really true that "pimpin ain't easy?"...just curious...