.

most of you know by now that in a perfect world I would sleep with 50 in a hot second. The only thing I ask of Mr.50? Don't talk,don't rap,don't open your mouth unless it involves my pleasure in some way.

I just heard a "remake" of Fergie's London Bridge by 50 cent and its basically all about him doing "gansta shit" like drinking, shootin people and comming in a girls mouth. Oh yeah I was really impressed with that.

I think 50 is starting to believe his own hype waaay too much. I know from personal experiance that those who talk about it aren't doing it as much as they say they are *yes I'm talking about myself, its been a dry summer okay!?* All I'm sayin is "Fiddy, we get it, you get lots of punany try rapping about something else... like kittens or something"

Well I'm done..that was great..lol.


In other news, I am going to learn how to knit or crossstich in the very near future. Make fun of me if you like but I want to try and teach myself some usefull things once in a while. I'm also tossing around the idea of going semi-vegetarian again *I went veg for a year when I was younger* I would still eat fish and dairy well lactose free dairy, but give up red meat,chicken/eggs. I'm also planning to try and slooowly cut out artifical sugars. *no more candy :(*

* Hollywood Whores*

Paris hilton : dirty whore
Lindsay Lohan: red headed whore
Jessica Simpson: Singing whore
Samuel Jackson: Mother fucking!!! whore on a plane.
Tom Cruise:Crazy Sci fi whore
Anna Nicole Smith:Rich whore
The Olsen twins: Whore x2


Well I'm done for now... Geez.. I'm a little foul..maybe I'll write a nice post about like, rainbows and stuff. yeah that would be nice. Whatever I know that jesus loves me, he just knows I get a little morally side tracked.

Real quick blog cuz its late and I'm tired cuz I worked my ass of today *don't worry its not gone* plus I was chatting to an excellent friend/kisser. *you know who you are you sexy man pretty beast*


Day was long
shoes hurt feet aching badly
glad its over.


going to bed
sleep perchance to dream happy
wake up lonely

tomorrow new day
looking for brand new shoes
for aching feet.

haiku shit!!! yeah. night all.

crappe poetry.

* I purposly spelt it crappe because it sounds more artsy..for those of you not in the know*



Now a land of clay and sand once stood fertile grounds
shattered lives lay like shattered homes fragments of what was
so much despair and downfall for a moment of peace
yet time passes and this peace is never sought

Money and power veiled by promises of unity
seeking sovereignty from those already ruled
Fight for your country and die for it
you will be forever remembered
in the war nobody wins.


Don't deny ,don't admit
a glance says what you can't
Lust in a memory, comfort at a thought

Different place and time
would I still have only had you for a night?
don't regret a thing
only wish I had more of you once in a while


7 sins, I've done them all
it didn't take long for me to fall
some I enjoyed and some caused pain
And I know I'll do them all again
I'm pretty sure I'm already damned
so I'm going to do them as fast as I can.


I hope you can't sleep at night
or look in mirrors and like what you see
I hope you feel dirty even when your clean
I hope you live in darkness and never light.

Tommorrow my baby is getting his shots again and once again I am filled with the same sense of guilt I get everytime he is due to get them.

I know they are a good thing in the long run but I feel so freaking bad! I can't explain to him why he has to get all those needles and I know that is one of the primary reasons they give them this young. So they don't remember, however try listening to your kid cry in pain and not feel bad about it. Sucks big time.

List of things to do for today:

1) Laundry... that means braving the monster under my bed to retrieve all my socks.
also I have to clean out my drawers so that I have less to move upstairs.
2) Do nails,shave stems ect. Things I have been putting off because I've had nobody to impress. ITs time to start impressing myself. I like silky smooth legs and have them I shall.
3) Feed,change,entertain small drooling infant that is my better. Really, I seriously believe he is smarter than me.
4) Cook something, clean something.
5) Finish reading my maxim.

Got any ideas of things I should do today? leave yours suggestions...:P

I have returned!!!

I'm back in my own little corner of the universe and I must say... I am ready to go again lol!

It was really nice visiting my sister and her husband in law. They live in a small *rich* town outside a city a couple hours from here. She's so lucky! Their house is huge and basically perfect..soooo jealous. Her husband is a rig pig so he rakes in good coin basically she doesn't have to work and spends her time shopping. Bitch. (jk!) She actually really cool, bought my kid a whole crap load of toys and actually looked after him for a whole day while I went shopping.

I managed to convince my parents that we HAD to go to West Edmonton mall for the day (for those of you not in the know its a huge Mofo of a mall, its got its own China town for heaven's sake!) so we went up there for a day and it was awesome. Sadly though I was limited to what I could afford so I did a lot of window shopping and I'm pretty sure there where moments where I wept a little because I wanted things so badly!

I will say this though... If the BITCH at TOMMY HILFIGER is reading this...by some weird cosmic chance.. The next time you fucking eyeball me without even saying hello when I come into your store..your going to end up reading braile. I'm sorry but I hate it when you walk into an "classy" store and "Unless your like,totally like flashing like your luis vitton purse with like your 300$ jeans they like won't even like look at you!"
I'm not against people with money but how do they know I wasn't ready to whip out my credit card and drop ridiculous amounts of money? Which by the way I choose to do at Old Navy and MAC instead. I might not ever be rich but if I am I'm never going to treat people like garbage. I know what its like to live poor..*thats another blog* so I value what I have.

On a lighter note I must brag about a place in the food court that I am absolutly enamoured (is that a word?) (I think it is, whatever I'm not fucking Webster) with. Its a crepe place! They make sweet&savory crepe sandwiches. I thought that was the mf bomb! They didn't have a menu either, it was all of their "crepetions" but shellacked and displayed. A very creative idea I thought. So I choose the chicken teriayki crepe and it was delicious, bordering on orgasmic but I haven't been laid in a while so I don't know if it was really THAT good. Damn close though.

Also on my magic carpet ride throughout the mall I saw flamingos for the first time, penguins and sealions. ( I have actually had the pleasure of encountering a wild sealion when I was younger out in the ocean but it was still neat to see them)
I also just stood in the Swarvoski crystal store for a while and try not to touch anything or say "I want that" more than 50 times in a row. I also did the same at Birks and a few half dozen other jewlery stores. I also did it at Ben & Jerrys. *Damn my lactose interolenance*

I could go on and on about my marvels..and I probably will but I am still recouping so I think this will do

Its been a week since I've left you with any pile of hot steaming blog so I figured I had better crank one out.

The week was uneventfull although I did work Wed& Fri and I would have to say my sole purpose at the moment is tormenting the little punk teenagers. I especially like the ones that try to shop lift because then I really get to screw with them.

Typical scenario: Little punk tries to conceal 20$ necklace in his hoodie pocket. Doesn't realize I have been coyly watching him for last 15 minutes as he decided which one he liked better *studded dagger as opposed to spiked skull..choices choices* Upon settling on the spiked skull he slips the necklace in his pocket and makes his way towards the exit. I slide up beside him "Is there anything else I can help you take today?" Punk stops momentarily and stutters looking nervous. "What?" he tries to ask innocently. "WEll" I begin.."Since you seem to have no trouble pocketing smaller items I thought maybe you'd like a hand with something bigger, would you like me to hand you a fog machine on your way out or are you good with just the necklace?" At this point he knows I know. Obviously.

He returns my necklace and makes a hasty retreat from the store. Fortunatly for me he is a mall rat and it doesn't take much before security finds him hiding out in the arcade and he is then taken to the proper authorities.

I love my job.


Next week I shall not be posting from Weds to Fri because I shall be away. Going to visit family which should provide me with a few days of needed vacation. I would rather go to Vegas or something but hey, take what you can get right?

Ugh! I'm so done with carrying about my damn weight!!

I've realized I'm becomming too obsessed with it and its unhealthy. Like really I had a baby six months ago and I'm supposed to look all slim and perfect? Screw it. I'm tired of comparing myself to other young women that I see with kids.

These other women have time to go to the gym and work out, they have husbands and fiances that can watch the rug rats while they take a "sanity" break. I go out for walks with my kid when the weathers nice, I don't have time to do my pilates or whatever the trendy exercise is right now. I still do want to take the strippercize class but I doubt I will unless I can convince my parents to look after Cash while I go. They are busy too though and I don't want to impose. Also I don't think I have the groove to strippercize LOL. I'm such a klutz I would probably be workin the pole and fall on my face or something. That would look sooo cool.



Moving on... I was having incredibly weird dreams last night.

All I remember was that I had a bright yellow scorpion in my mouth and I had to pull it out and it had its claws *I don't think they even have claws do they?* in my tounge. It was so gross. I got the little bastard out though. The other dream was that I was shopping in this huge Costco type bulk store but it was all shelves of like, dollar store shit.

Also I had a dream that I had to call my ex bf *the one I still sorta talk to* and ask him for a ride somewhere and his gf answered the phone and was being a complete bitch to me and I could hear him yelling at her in the backround but he told me that he still couldn't come pick me up. I was sooo pissed off. LOL kinda sounds like real life, he can't stand her but he won't stand up to her. So yours truely ends up getting the shaft. No, not that kind of shaft kids...that would make me happy and I'm not that happy.

I finally got a new hair straightener which I am thrilled about because my thick curly hair is driving me nuts. I laughed my ass off when the waring on the instructions said something to the effect of "not to be used on synthetic hair, animal hair, pubic hair..*WHAT!!!???* I would like to meet the person who used a flat iron on thier pubic hair thinking it was a good idea. Also how freaking long would your pubic hair have to be for you to think you could straighten it.. Guh-rose!! I don't know about anyone else but there isn't enough tea in china that someone could give me to put a burning hot instrument near my pink parts. A razor is scary enough let me tell you.


Well I think thats enough thearpy inducement for one day kids.

Its all good today.

I've managed to figure out some shit..and i'm not sure but I think I've had one of those ephipany type dealies.

So today was awseome, I got up and did all my baby stuff,laundry, went grocery shopping *while my mom's at work* bought my kid the coolest activity center and some clothes for him with my work paycheck. This was all before noon lol.

I also baked some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies *yeah I'm a little into the domestic stuff* Now I'm going to figure out how to put the activity center together. Also I'm going to look up a few web pages. I was reading in my local paper that theres a lady out in a neighboring town that teaches "strippercize" Its a pole danceing class and I thought it sounded kinda fun so I'm going to see how much it costs and that kind of thing.

Yup thats me, a mom that bakes cookies and plays peeka boo and then has purple hair and does strip classes LOL. Hey like it or quit reading bitches : )

Life is good now.., shit happens, shit changes but life is good.

I was going to come on and call some people out that i thought were "friends" *feels like they only want to be friends when they want something from me* But I'm not going to. Its not worth it. I've had some of my real friends let me know how much they care about me in the last little while and they are the ones that are important. They were there for me when I've felt like absolute shit, which is quite often lately..I think its late PPD or it was there all along but I just kept ignoring it.

All the other people that act like they care *when they are bored and have nothing better to do or no one better to fuck*

Well, go into a corner and have sex with yourselves. If You think this may apply to you, then it may. It also may not but you obviously have a guilty conscience. What else have you been doing? :P Ask me if ya really wanna know.

Night night night

Really makes you think:

In the U.S it takes longer to get the emergency contraceptive pill than it does to get a gun.

Its easier to get a boob job than a restraning order.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Does Lebanon realize the only country kicking its ass is its own? I mean yeah, Isreal is but only because of Hezbollah. If they would have just given back Isreal its prisioners they would have been like "Okay see ya later" but no, if they wanna play Isreal is all "Its on like Donkey Kong!" I'm sick of hearing Lebanon cry about innocent women and children and all that garbage. Your terrorist groups can kill whoever they want but as soon as you get your asses whopped on by another country you all of a sudden care about innocent people?

Fuck Hezbolla and terriorists. You know whos fault this is don't you?? Mel Gibsons. *sorry, I had to go there*


I miss the 80's.. sure there was wars then too I bet, but it was just a good time for me. I was little, we had the best cartoons, the best music, movies and it was a generation that didn't take itself so seriously except when it needed to *I love you Band-aid* and back then people actually gave a shit. Cartoons were about sharing and caring and fighting for what was good and pure *see transformers,thundercats,rainbowbright,gem,ninja turtles,G.I Joe..ect. Not just some non sensical drivel about little magic creatures that live in some kids balls * yeah its called your picachu? Right whatever*

As for movies, One can cite "Who framed Roger Rabbit" as sheer brilliance. Marrying Cartoons and live action was bitchin. Now its all computer animation and a bunch of over paid actors and actresses that read from a script. They don't even have to look good! They probably go in, sit there in their gucci sweat pants, face covered in Pro active *or whatever they are getting paid millions to shill for* read their lines and walk out with a big fat check! Bring back the Muppet movies!!!! What happened to the lovers and the dreamers? I remember when Simpsons was the WORST show on t.v. now parents are happy if thats all their kids are watching. If they even know were their kids are...

fuck man... I've said it before and I'll say it again..Mel :P

It really is a soap opera...and my life.

I was a little more amped up than usual today and I just had that feeling it was gonna be a fucked up day. Not bad fucked up just, weird. The kind where you wake up and say "Today is going to be a fucked up sort of day" and then you realize you said it out loud and everyone is staring at you.

I get to work and its around 1130 its pretty mundane and then all of a sudden I see a familiar face. Here is some backround before I get into todays tale. Try to keep up :)

A few years ago when I was young and foolish and living on my own *I was about 19, seems like forever ago but I digress* I met a guy *call him JR* through my best friends boyfriend at the time. He was a few years older than me and had a VERY bitchy fiance a year younger than me. He was gorgeous but I wasn't really paying attention to him since I took a liking to his fiance's younger brother *16, eww I know! that so cougar!* We ended up dating briefly but I was still a virgin (fuck off I was saving it for someone special ok!) so I didn't want anything sexual and he dumped me.

Well JR and I became friends and his fiance got all pissy because she thought there was something more sinister going on, which at the time there wasn't and it was totally innocent. At the time at least...I don't remember how it happend exactly, I would like to say I was naive and it was all his fault..but seriously I know you guys are smarter than that ;) So we started having a little thing. I was adamant about not having sex but thats not to say we didn't fool around and do other things...Alot of times though we just hung out and cuddled and talked. It took me a while but I finally wised up and realized that I was getting a raw deal and called JR on that fact. I was the other woman and I didn't want to be, so I got angry and said that if he was just with me for the sexual aspects then we should just go ahead and have sex. He wouldn't do it and I pushed him to know why. He dropped the bomb that he was in love with me and yet he was stuck where he was for the time being and that I deserved more. I told him he couldn't have it both ways so he left. That was the last of him I saw.

Until today that is.

He wandered in to my store and there he was. Still as incredibly hot as ever but there was one thing missing, his ball and chain! I decided to take a chance and say hello and we started talking. I filled him in on the baby and my ex, turns out back when JR was younger he did some short jail time with my ex LOL it is waaaay too small of a world. JR felt bad for me because he said that even back then my ex was a bit of a wing nut. What can I say, I love the ones that can hurt me the most. However unlike my ex JR has totally gotten his shit together and hasn't been in trouble with the law for almost 10 yrs. Not even a speeding ticket. Plus he has a house, car and good job. Also he is divorced from that heinous bitch :) That made me do a happy dance inside.

He bought a tee-shirt we chatted for a minute more and then he left. Then about 5 minutes later he came back to which I thank Van Wilder for the following line at my disposal "Are you stalking me now? Cuz that would be great" He smiled and told me he had "mistakenly" got an 2x large teeshirt and needed to exchange it. Seriously who doesn't check the size when they buy something, and not notice its that fucking huge. That was smooth.

I took the liberty of taking my break and inviting him to join me. We sat and talked for another half and hour and talking quickly turned into a little *or a lot* of flirting. I made sure he knew what days I worked and then headed back.

In conclusion I'm pretty excited to see if something happens but I'm going to be treading extremely carefully this time around. I don't think I would ever want a relationship from him *after all he cheated on his fiance* but well...woman has needs,Man has skills..Good times had by all. We shall see.

Also adding to this fucked up day, another guy I had a little thing with a while back wandered in. I hadn't seen him in a long while either. He also had a gf at the time we sorta hooked up. It was just kissing and this time I actually shut him down. It was an impulsive make out thing but then he got all clingy and wanted to dump his gf and be with me and I was like hmm...no thank you. I know I sound really evil but I'm not I swear!

I 've never cheated while I've been dating someone and having been cheated on I know that it sucks, but if a guy is with me behind his gf's back... he's the one that'g got to deal with her when she finds out not me. Plus I think back in the day I used to prefer guys that had girlfriends because I was commitment phobic..I'm starting to think I should have stayed that way :P

The only problem is that the guys always seemed to end up falling in love with me or I'm unforgetable or something because they always tell me how amazing I was and how they still wonder about me and how stuff could have been. Or that they would still like to find out...which is what JR said to me today. Seriously why me? lol Either I'm so damn yummy that I stay in their little horny brains for a long time or I screw with them so much that they can't forget me!!!

Only time will tell. Hope at least one person makes it through this post lol :P apologies for the length.

GRRRR!

Okay seriously, I love my bro but he's so lazy when he's home. He's a well tester and works for month long streches and does 12 hour days but when he's home he's a total bum.

He has to do ALL of his laundry *they do have a washer and dryer out there* and he sleeps all day and then is up making noise at night!!!!

I'm sorry but I fricken live here with a baby that I have to take care of..meaning I have tons of laundry to do and he's SLEEPING at night.

My brother doesn't have to be doing the job he's doing either, he could be making a buttload at a company here in town but he doesn't want to be "local" so don't cry about working then!

ARGGHH!!!!......needed to vent!!!

Plus my kid is being kind of a shit head today. I don't really mean that, he's just being a bit moody. Screaming and carrying on and doesn't want to be put down but doesn't want to be held either.

Momma needs a coffee and a smoke..but since I don't really smoke I guess the coffee will have to do.

Sorry about lack of posts.. Super busy!

I've been fiddling around with my new Ipod thingy and doing a lot of cooking..and baby stuff!!! So I'm usually exhausted by the time I get a chance to use the computer at night.

i'll try to post more in the upcomming days.. xoxo moi!